Donuts that Drive you Crazy!
My friends know two things about me. First, that I never sleep enough. Second, that I am a fiend for sweets. For instance, I have never returned from a trip to Orange County or Los Angeles without stopping at a certain Taiwanese bakery, and I have even made trips specifically for the purpose of going to this bakery. It should come as no surprise that my ears were ringing when I heard of a doughnut shop that was serving doughnuts decorated like sushi.
I am really sad reminiscing about it, like man-tears and everything.
A sweet tooth fix
Psycho Donuts is the playground of your inner child. It is not a place to go if you are on a diet, carb conscious, or simply have no sense of humor. However, if you are willing to let loose and have fun for a little bit, this is the place for you.
There are two locations, one is in Campbell and the other in Downtown San Jose. The exterior of the Campbell location is unassuming, but the Downtown San Jose location is the last thing you would expect to see in stuffy Silicon Valley. It is incredibly easy to find though, just look for the airbrushed zombie nurse on the supporting column outside the store. The inside is just as amazing, the staff are dressed as “psycho nurses,” the light fixtures are painted to look like eyeballs, and the staff gives you bubble wrap to pop while you are in line (to drive your fellow patrons…psycho).
You’re probably wondering how they are able to get away with it. My guess is that the Downtown location doubles as a box office for the indie theatre next door, which also happens to be a Rocky Horror joint. Actually, I don’t even know how that works; the rest of the surrounding area is pretty upscale.
Now let’s talk about the doughnuts. Psycho Donuts specializes in cake-based doughnuts, an instant jolt of nostalgia for this writer who grew up on the East Coast eating Dunkin Donuts. Most of their concoctions are the kind of thing you thought were awesome as a kid. We’re talking doughnut toppings consisting of sugary cereal, candy bars, and even stacking doughnuts on top of. You as a kid thought this was genius, and Psycho Donuts has the talent to execute on it.
My favorite was “Crunch Hunch”, a chocolate-frosted, chocolate-cake doughnut with huge chunks of a Nestle Crunch bar on top. I devoured it in thirty seconds flat. Other favorites include The Michael Jackson, Crazy Face, and Salty Ballz (SNL fans rejoice!).
That’s not to say that all they have are wacky donuts, they actually have quite a few great, sober gourmet doughnuts. I was particularly sad that I did not have the time to try the Key Lime Pie or Bananarama.
If you do not partake in the meat, or the breast milk, or the ovum, of any creature with a face, two words: orange creamsikiller. (Vegan dreamsicle doughnut!) Their vegan selection is actually quite good and they have a new “featured vegan” each month, so anyone can become a doughnut fan.
Psycho Psushi Bento Box
As for the reason I went, the sushi doughnuts (“Psycho Psushi”) were a set of four doughnuts shaped and frosted to look like nigiri, served in a take-out sushi tray, with strawberry pocky chopsticks. The flavors for each piece of nigiri were orange (salmon), strawberry (tuna), green tea (salmon roe), and rocky road—your guess is as good as mine. Altogether, it was probably the equivalent of two full doughnuts, but it was worth it for the novelty alone, and it was a great sampler.
The doughnuts will set you back $1.50 to $2.50 each, but when you compare them to cupcakes, which can easily run up to $4 each, it’s not a bad deal. When you compare the quality to what you would get at the supermarket or Krispy Kreme, again, it is an easy sell. The Psycho Psushi was $4, but I believe they only make them on a limited basis.
The only caveat with this place is that they have a tendency to sell out later in the day (a great problem to have), so you are more likely to find what you want at their Campbell location, which also houses their bakery. Unlike Dunkin Donuts, their doughnuts still taste great at the end of the day. You will not be disappointed if the only trip you can make is a late-night doughnut run.
I went out of my way to make three trips to this place over the course of my five-day vacation in the Bay Area, and I wish I could have went more. My sadness from the beginning of the article comes from the one-two punch of great doughnut memories and them not delivering outside of Santa Clara County. However, I am already scheming to find a reason to make another trip up to the Bay Area as I have that crazy look in my eyes.
